Cucumber Confusion

Have I ever told you guys how much I love cucumbers? I love them so much that sometimes I have to stop myself from gobbling up two or three of them at a time. My love for cucumbers runs deep. It goes way back to the 1970's when my grandma would serve up a huge platter of sliced cucumbers for me during my visits with her. It was my favorite snack. I especially loved the way she would scallop the edges by running a fork around the length of the cucumber before slicing it. I felt all fancy with my fancy cucumber platter.

In my opinion, it would be impossible to ruin the cucumber. It is the perfect food, and there is nothing that could change that. The cucumber will always be faithful to me. At least that's what I thought.

But dammit if Mrs. Gerald S. King from Houston, TX didn't just go ahead and desecrate the one vegetable that I hold most dear.

You will recall from a few posts back, I promised another 1971 Weight Watchers Magazine Gourmet Recipe Contest Second Prize Winner. So here's what Mrs. King submitted. Was she serious? Was she just being ironic? We'll never know.

Cucumber Gel
1 Tbsp Knox Gelatin dissolved in 3/4 Cup hot water
1/4 Cup artificial sweetener
1/4 Cup lime juice
3-4 Drops green food coloring
1 Medium cucumber, grated
1 Tbsp horseradish
1/4 Cup buttermilk

I can't even begin to tell you the disgusting details of this recipe. So I will just allow the following pictures to illustrate for you how a cucumber goes from this:

To this:

To this:

To this:

My very first gelatin un-molding fail. Oh, the horror!

Let me just tell you. There are instructions that go along with this recipe. They involve words like "fluffy" and "frothy" and "consistency of unbeaten egg whites". I don't even like to think about those things, so we just won't go there.

It is suggested that we serve this gelatin mold atop a bed of spinach leaves and garnish it with pimentos and capers. But seriously why would we do that? Why??? Let's not waste any more perfectly good vegetables for the sake of this dish, OK?

Did I take a taste of your Cucumber gel, Mrs. Gerald S. King? Of course I did. It frightened and confused my taste buds. Gelatin that tastes like a cucumber? There is just no logical reason for it.

I'll take my cucumbers the way nature intended them: crunchy and crispy. Not slimy and gelatinous. Thank you very much.