Sunday, April 29, 2012

Cloven Footers

There are just so many things wrong with this recipe from the February 1970 issue of Weight Watchers Magazine. So many things...


  Cloven Footers
1 Pound All-Beef Frankfurters
1 Tablespoon Dry Mustard
1/4 Cup Whole Cloves
1 Cup Shredded Cabbage

Split each frankfurter lengthwise. Sprinkle mustard over cut side of frankfurters. Stick cloves (20-30) into each frankfurter in rows. Broil  for 15 minutes. Serve with cabbage. Makes 2 servings.

Now then. Where to begin?

OK, first - there is the utter foolishness of sticking cloves into 1 whole pound of sliced wieners. That's a total of 8 wieners and approximately 160 cloves.  It is soul crushingly boring. I only did two Cloven Footers before I lost my patience and had to stop. That was enough.

Next - there is the shocking revelation that this recipe makes only two servings. That is ONE WHOLE POUND of hot dogs split between two people. Horrifying. Am I right?

Next - do we even need to address the fact that this recipe assumes you will consume approximately 80 whole cloves at one sitting? Nowhere in the recipe instructions does it say ANYTHING about removing those cloves. What do we do? Are we to eat them and risk a guaranteed projectile vomiting incident? I think not.

Finally - the saddest part of this recipe has to be the moment when it is broiling away in the oven, and your loved one comes running into the kitchen and excitedly proclaims, "It smells like ham in here! Did you make a ham??" Then you reach into the oven and proudly present this:


You will never be forgiven.  Nor should you be.

9 comments:

Jana said...

Well, I know chewing a clove is supposed to make toothache go away. Temporarily.

affectionforfitness said...

I'm perpetually stunned that WW ever thought that hot dogs were healthy. Stuck on that!!!! Forever!!! Can't even contemplate the cloves.

:-) Marion

Susan in Oz said...

1/2 pound hotdog AND 80 cloves per person? This is so unreal it's got to be a typo? NO????

Chukster said...

I ate alot of hot dogs in those days but never with cloves.. I'll have to give this one a try with all of my homemade catchup that I have left.

yinzerella said...

Cloven Footers sounds the work of the devil. For realsies.

Lynn said...

Reminds me of the recipe they had on the WW page from the 70's cookbook on April Fool's day. It was hot dogs in the shape of a crown. Ewh.

Diana Lee said...

That's freaking awesome. I couldn't even understand what they were talking about with the recipe title, so it was an ever nicer surprise when I realized what they were making. Wow.

RetroRuth said...

Is this even from the same planet? Because here cloves are not food. If you ate that many cloves in one sitting you wouldn't taste anything BUT cloves for the next week!

Lynn Thompson said...

The week of May 21st meeting topic at WW is spicing up your food. I am going to share your recipe complete with a picture with the group. I may even give them the added treat of the "ice cream" recipe.