1 Pound All-Beef Frankfurters
1 Tablespoon Dry Mustard
1/4 Cup Whole Cloves
1 Cup Shredded Cabbage
Split each frankfurter lengthwise. Sprinkle mustard over cut side of frankfurters. Stick cloves (20-30) into each frankfurter in rows. Broil for 15 minutes. Serve with cabbage. Makes 2 servings.
Now then. Where to begin?
OK, first - there is the utter foolishness of sticking cloves into 1 whole pound of sliced wieners. That's a total of 8 wieners and approximately 160 cloves. It is soul crushingly boring. I only did two Cloven Footers before I lost my patience and had to stop. That was enough.
Next - there is the shocking revelation that this recipe makes only two servings. That is ONE WHOLE POUND of hot dogs split between two people. Horrifying. Am I right?
Next - do we even need to address the fact that this recipe assumes you will consume approximately 80 whole cloves at one sitting? Nowhere in the recipe instructions does it say ANYTHING about removing those cloves. What do we do? Are we to eat them and risk a guaranteed projectile vomiting incident? I think not.
Finally - the saddest part of this recipe has to be the moment when it is broiling away in the oven, and your loved one comes running into the kitchen and excitedly proclaims, "It smells like ham in here! Did you make a ham??" Then you reach into the oven and proudly present this:
You will never be forgiven. Nor should you be.